BLACKPINK‘s Jisoo opened up like never before in an interview with Rolling Stone. Contrary to her bubbly personality that is seen online, she has a more reserved and introspective side that she doesn’t often show in front of the camera. One thing that may surprise fans is how she is still unsure about her current path in life.
I think I’ll keep searching my entire life [for who I am]. I still haven’t found anything where I feel ‘This is it for me!’ Maybe I will never feel it.
Her future, what she wants to do, is not something that is clear to her at the moment. Jisoo does not always like the public life that she is leading and thus cannot determine if she will pursue the exact path in the coming years.
I still don’t know. I think about this every day. What do I exactly like? Sometimes I think it’s a mystery. I love to perform, but I don’t always enjoy being part of the spotlight.
In fact, being a K-Pop idol is not as enjoyable as it may seem. She noted that she is always careful on stage to avoid making mistakes. Her members, on the other hand, thrive on performing.
I think it’s different for the other members: They love to receive the spotlight, feeling energized by the people who come to see us, and then getting a bit depressed when the stage is over and silence arrives. Feeling empty. All these feelings are a necessary part of the job. I’m a little different. When I’m onstage, I think about not making mistakes. Performing still feels more like a test than something genuinely fun.
It does not help that she often experiences excruciating pain when it comes to her job. She pushes herself to the limits physically and mentally to get through certain days.
After this interview, I have to go to the hospital because my leg hurts. I bumped into a door really hard; it’s not broken or fractured, but it’s been hurting for the past month, so I need to get another X-ray. [And another time] when we were performing at Coachella [in 2019], my back hurt so badly. Every night I was getting painkillers. I wanted to perform sitting down. But my pride wouldn’t allow myself to sit. And it wasn’t because ‘I love this stage so much’; stronger was my sense of responsibility and duty.
Moreover, she can’t help but feel limited with what she can do and where can go as a public personality. Jisoo said, “No matter how [she moves] around there are people who recognize [her]” so she has to be extra careful.
The BLACKPINK vocalist agreed that it is difficult for celebrities to talk about their mental health. Though she is thankful for the countless number of people who support her, she recognizes that she still has things she struggles with.
Right, there are too many eyes. I think it’s a little different, having people who cheer you on, the BLACKPINK members who’ll always be on my side—and having my own struggles. I love talking to fans; I’m honest with them and talk to them like they’re my friends. We laugh so much. But then, even if these people are present in my life, there are difficulties that are my own.
She is holding on because of the people she cares about, especially her members and fans.
I can compromise with my reality because I’m part of BLACKPINK, and I’m not alone. I have the girls in the same boat, and the fans. And that gives me the power and a sense of responsibility.